Reader Question:
i’ve been buddies with this specific woman for a while. She left her boyfriend. We have been texting a lot â like 200 emails per week. I hold obtaining blended indicators from this lady, and I really like the girl. Ought I go for it? But I really don’t wish destroy the relationship sometimes. We also hang out, and I believe she looks for me personally for the halls.
-Ivan S. Bently (Kansas)
Expert’s Solution:
Hi, Ivan. Thanks for trusting you with this particular important private problem.
There are a great number of possibilities to explain what’s going on here, but let me provide my “take.” First of all, you say she is giving mixed indicators, which most likely implies this woman is puzzled and never clear on exactly what she wants.
She could still have ideas or hopes your commitment she just left, or she may be available to produce a move. She may still be in the recovery process, and she might not be prepared be seen publicly with another guy but.
Texting could be her way of communicating and hooking up right now while she completes emotionally disconnecting from her ex. She can also be puzzled if her friendship for you occasionally looks wants its developing into something larger, but she actually is unsure should you “like” like the girl.
In terms of you, Ivan, you are in a tremendously precarious spot now. She is on rebound and requirements mental help. She trusts you and seems better whenever she shares some messages or hangs down with you. She actively seeks you for the halls because she loves you, in a single way or other, that is certainly where you have to be careful. Any time you place the relationship first above your curiosity about matchmaking their as a girlfriend, you’re in really serious chance of being relegated on “friend area,” and that is a difficult location to escape from.
My personal guidance to you is to get alongside this lady and chat physically. It ought to be previous and smaller than an actual date, nevertheless will give you a concept if she would like to view you or otherwise not. Inform this lady she needs to get-out and just take one hour to laugh and luxuriate in herself while would love the opportunity to talk to the lady in a little more level, too. Choose a spot where your pals never ever get â possibly a Starbucks anywhere â so she’s going to feel as if her confidentiality is shielded.
Ask the girl exactly how she’s undertaking of course, if she’s certainly finished together ex. Spend extremely attention to the woman gestures. Is she leaning towards you or out? Is she big-eyed and cheerful, or detached and thoughtful? Is she performing “girly” or like a pal?
Absolutely one more thing you should do: Tell this lady in an exceedingly matter-of-fact method in which you prefer their. Next cannot state another phrase. She’s as another someone to talk. Appear their directly from inside the vision so she will be able to see your power as well as your sincerity. Boldly and with confidence understand her neck or hands. Just make sure she understands you are searching for the woman in an enchanting man-woman form of method.
End up being powerful and sort but never emotional or eager. Make the lady wish come your way for nurturing and comfortable man you happen to be rather than for your good man who is “secure” and ordinary. The woman genuine ideas and objectives should expose on their own since talk unfolds.
Do it now,
Nick